I still think about you from time to time,
But not in a healthy way.
Perhaps I need to accept that I like to hurt,
Maybe I will get over it,
Just keep telling me it will all be okay.
Even if I know it’s a lie.
Only with eyes closed can I feel you close to me
A vision that comes only in my dreams
The warmth you elicit through the veils of my subconscious
Is strong enough to bring me to my knees.
A stubborn girl that never listens
For which reasons, I don’t know
Perhaps I need the pleasure in pain
Or seek the peace beneath the undertow.
I will never be anyone’s to have
Impossible to tame or to control
Endlessly struggling to find my place
Unable to fill that role.
I only wish
You could write about me,
The way I write
You’re the comfort among the chaos
That plagues my waking life.
You’re the warmth among the cold,
That keeps me up at night.
You dress the wounds that I possess,
And often try to hide.
You stick by me until they heal,
Both external and inside.
And when I slip right back into,
The hell that’s in my mind,
You’re always there to see me out,
And leave it all behind.
My room is a curious place.
It houses many curious things.
A curious girl.
My room is a dangerous place.
It houses many dangerous things.
A dangerous girl.
It’s the safest place to be.
It is calm.
It is quiet and orderly.
It’s the most harmful place to be.
It is chaotic.
It is loud and a mess.
I can hide all the things that I don’t want to be seen.
It’s where I can destroy myself in perfect privacy.
I can be whoever I want to be,
And remind myself of who I’m not.
No one like the one you love,
To make you feel alone.
They bring the light into your day,
Or take it all away.
You feel so much that you feel nothing,
And never notice that it’s happening.
As gradual as the setting sun,
With no remorse for what’s been done.
So hold me closely for the last time,
And watch me drift away like clouds.
For soon enough I will be gone,
Without a trace, without a sound.
Smoke and mirrors make the world a more beautiful place,
But they can’t change the truth of what’s out there.
The filth that stains the soil we tread upon,
And the trials we face as we trudge along.
I can feel it burning me,
The vacant spot within my chest,
Like a dried up river running to the sea,
Is the way you’ll end up remembering me.
I lost the fire in my eyes,
As you lost glow in yours,
I tried my best to see you out,
Of your sorry state and consuming drought.
Call them selfish or what have you,
My intentions with your heart,
All I wanted was to be your muse,
But now I’m just the girl that you abuse.
As every morning brings the day,
I provided you the light,
Yet you were blind to all of it,
So now you’re all alone tonight.
Of all the faces in the world,
Yours was the one I never forgot.
Of all the sensations I’ve ever come to feel,
Your kiss was most severe.
You were never mine,
And I could never be yours.
But when I closed my eyes,
It was so for that time.
Your temper and words,
Would reduce me to tears,
But to watch you go,
Was the worst torture of all.
I consider it lucky,
To have your scars on my arms.
But the wounds in my heart,
Are what tore me apart.